so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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