so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
