Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
