3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
