girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
