I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My bed is full of blood and feathers
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
