Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think people are normalizing furries
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
