Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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