I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
