I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
