girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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