Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
