I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
