Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im six kinds of drunk right now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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