I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
