I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
