professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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