Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
pray to the hookup gods
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
