This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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