That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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