I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
