I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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