i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
