I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
