so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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