I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
