u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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