Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
