I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
