the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
