Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
