Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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