Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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