Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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