She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
