i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
