Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
