I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
