Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
