it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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