he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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