A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We left the knife in your bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
