I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
