Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
