How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
