he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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