I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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