I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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