There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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