Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
